I can feel her spirit in the air. It's this powerful energy of love and protection. Pure love. When I was video chatting with my sister, she said she felt it really strongly too. Grace died so peacefully in my arms, she didn't feel a thing. I believe her body had already started the dying process, she was just so worn out.
The vet let her stay in her bag and they put an iv in her front leg and I stepped away and let them do that and then when it was done they let me hold her. She rested her head on my shoulder and I wore my grey hoodie that had my scent on it. I breathed deeply and calmly. We spoke in soft gentle voices. He said I'm going to put something in now that will put her to sleep. He asked me if I was ready and I said yes. Then we waited for her to be asleep. He said she's asleep now are you ready for the final dose, I said yes in a calm gentle voice. I was ready for her suffering to be avoided and for her tired little body to be able to go. He put the final dose in. Her body was still warm in my arms.
He felt for her heartbeat and said she's gone. I asked him to take her from my arms and I didn't want to see the body. I said that's just a body now, her soul is her and that's gone. I said can she be in her her bag? He said of course. He placed her in her bag and wrapped her in the poppy scarf and zipped the bag shut. It was done with such care and dignity.
I put my hand on the bag and left.
I was brave, and I had also asked for help before the event. I reached out to family and to people whom I knew would understand. I'm proud of myself for that. I did that for me and I did that for Grace.
Grace is still with me, I can feel her loving spirit. When she's ready she will go, perhaps when she feels I am ok.
I'm able to study in small doses of time and have been decluttering, preparing to go home and start again. I want to be with family. I would have gone home a long time ago but I wasn't going to leave Grace.
I've also asked if I can apply to be a pug foster person and let them know I'm very good with elderly pugs too. I have things to look forward to in the future and I'm thankful for that. Grace blessed my life and I know I blessed hers. She will always be in my heart.
Comments